Not really. That’s just a Motion City Soundtrack lyric from “Her Words Destroyed My Planet.”

But I did watch the entirety of season 3 of Veronica Mars this weekend. Maybe not the entire season, but a good 13 or 14 episodes annnnnnnd it’s made me realize something. But first: Is it silly to believe that a TV show can make you have a major realization about your personality? Then color me a loony because this girl came to a conclusion.

I desperately miss people.

That’s a tad broad and probably pretty obvious by now.

My two problems: 1.) Money – as discussed in my previous post and 2.) not being with people constantly not having the ability to be with my friends constantly.

More specifically, the college lifestyle. The reason Veronica Mars is so important to me right now is probably because season 3 follows Veronica and company through their first year of college.

Cast of "VMARS" season 3

Now, I realize that their college experience was much different than mine, i.e. I’m no teen detective and I don’t have numerous boys fighting over me, and, oh, my college experience was actual life, not a teen televised dramedy, but a lot of the same principles are the same. I miss living in a dorm/campus apartment. I miss the socializing until 3am. I miss the stupid campus activities that I did all freshman year. I miss the parties/bars. I miss the constant possibility of running into one of my many crushes (there were many). And most importantly – I miss the colorful array of lively individuals that made up my daily life.

It’s been one year exactly since I’ve graduated from college. May 9th, 2009. A year ago tonight, I was at Sal’s block party, or whatever it was called (I forget), congratulating everyone and then going to Perkins with my friends for a late night meal after bar-close. Distance makes the heart grow fonder? Ummm, it seems to work a little differently for me. I haven’t lived with any of my peers in a year. A YEAR. So why should I care so much now about analyzing my current thought patterns and processes? Because I’m slowly becoming mushy.

Not literally.

It’s weird, but since living at home with my family, I have regressed. I have sunk back into a steady stream of watching too much TV-on-DVD, but not talking deeply to people about anything. Oh, and as stated in the previous post, spending too much money. I’ll go to work, I’ll see my coworkers, then I’ll see my friends, but it’s not as personal as it used to be. When I do see my friends, it feels strained, less “friendly” if you know what I mean. I don’t mean that we’re mean to each other, it’s just not as easy for me somehow. Like I’m performing for them. This is not a bad thing. When living with people, I totally drop my guard and become myself for them. When I haven’t been living with my peers, I’ve noticed that I’m much more conscious of how I’m acting and what I’m saying. Not in all cases. For example, on Friday, I went out with Elissa and Ashley and got positively smashed and I was surely myself then and not feeling any sort of awkwardness at all.

Now, I’m not saying that I can’t be myself around my friends. Definitely not. I’m totally myself around my friends. But it’s harder to get into the swing of things now that I’m not constantly around people all the time like in college. Upon first encountering said friend for the evening, I think too much about how I never see that friend anymore. I feel like I’m more of the person I was in high school than I was in college. I’ve always been an extrovert, but now I’m a live-with-my-parents-and-hardly-see-my-friends-because-of-my-fucked-up-work-schedule-and-my-lazy-ass extrovert.

Living with your peers is really really good. It socializes you. It helps you grow as an individual.

Back to my original point: Not living with people my own age has also made me feel like the movies and TV are real life. I walk around my house after watching an episode of Veronica Mars and believe that I have cameras trained on me. Not actually. I’m not some crazy person who thinks she lives in TV land, but TV life is so much more interesting than my own life. I’m living in a I-wish-my-life-were-a-movie-land and then train hasn’t come to pick me up. That’s partly why I feel like I need to move out. Even if Jenna and I end up watching a lot of TV b/c that’s what we do, at least it will be with someone my own age. My friend. I should be thankful my life isn’t like a TV show – I could never handle all the drama. But it would be really nice to have my pick of a couple of hot boys. And to have her awesome wardrobe. Damn, I love her clothes.

I just want to reiterate because I feel like some people might get saddened to read this, it’s nothing personal. Seriously. I just need to be assimilated to real life again and stop moping around watching Veronica Mars, wishing my life would get more interesting, and do something about it. Anyone know a good detective to help me find a more interesting life?

ba dum tssssssssssssh.